Fight Club

Go and fight in a club! This film made it seem like
 a great idea! Image via Wikipedia.

Fight Club is something of a cult classic. Loved and hated by critics, it is to many a favourite film. Of course, even if you hated it - and it isn't to everyone's tastes - you could write a structured, informative review, couldn't you? Apparently not, as today's reviewers aptly demonstrate:

Amazon.com:

Saw this last night (Please, tell me more. What slippers were you wearing?).....Could have possibly thought it was "ok" (Ooh, quotation marks. Perhaps that line is from one of Churchill's less famous speeches?) but not necessarily my cup of tea (Well, fair enough, it isn't to everyone's taste. Let's see why you dissaprove...) until the very last 5 minutes of the film. HORRIBLE. JUST HORRIBLE. (Erm... I don't see how you were "ok" with the rest, but so disgusted at the end? Did you find the narrator's self-sacrifice to be terrifying to behold? How was it more horrible than anything else? Why? AND WHY THE CAPS LOCK?)

Amazon.com:

This movie wants you to believe its message is that if you are if you are dissatisfied with our superficial, materialist society, you can find relief in squalor and violence (Not really. Did you watch the film and think, "Yes! That worked out well for everyone!"). It is actually a movie for people who are entertained by pointless violence, but who need to believe that they are looking at something with artistic or intellectual merit (To be honest, it is though-provoking. That doesn't make it the greatest work of all time, certainly, but the use of violence does not negate worth. The film still has artistic and intellectual merit). The movie is arresting, with good performances, but it is basically shallow and manipulative. (It didn't manipulate me. Maybe you're just weak-minded. Just because you see something in a film, you don't have to do it...)

Next, a man who doesn't think for himself, but tries damn hard...
Amazon.com:

"Everything's missing in Fight Club, especially a point.""You're either going to love it or hate it."Bloody mess of a guy film loses its battle to have any real meaning.""Fight Club is a work of prevailing violence.""Fight Club is a distinctively dense and often hilarious film, but in the end it's nonsense."-- Andrew O'Hehir, SALON.COM"If, as Fincher has said, this movie is supposed to be funny, then the joke's on us."-- Lisa Schwarzbaum, ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY"If the first rule of Fight Club is 'Nobody talks about Fight Club,' a fitting subsection might be 'Why would anyone want to?'"-- Kenneth Turan, LOS ANGELES TIMES"If you want a movie that makes sense and doesn't make you chuckle at its sophomoric satire, laugh this one right off your list."-- Desson Howe, WASHINGTON POST"Terribly underwhelming.""Fight Club is an empty shout of 'To hell with it all!'"-- Jay Boyar, ORLANDO SENTINEL"As artistically fascinating as the movie may be, the spiritual sickness that it depicts is, at the very least, distasteful.""Laughably ludicrous."

I think that sopports my point but if you want it in my own words (Is your point one of admiration for the film? And you know using a list of quotes from people who don't like the film isn't really a conclusive argument, don't you? Because there're just as many quotes from people who do like the film that one could role out. Then where would we be? We'd explode! That's where... we'd be... exploding...). It just plianly had no point (erm...). Why does this charater do these sick things and why this charater is still alive (In general, or do you refer to the ending specifically? He's insane answers the first part. He hates his life, develops a split personality. It was pretty simple really. And he only shot himself through the cheek. You can survive that). Honestly anyone who was invaled with this project deserves to be hanged and tared and feathered or worse (Yea, that isn't a bit mad, is it?). Unlike other stinkers which you can make fun of like ohh say Battleflied: Earth, Dungeon & Dragons or the remake of The Huauting you can't even make fun of the damn thing it takes itself too damn serouisly for it's own good (You can make fun of anything really... But I don't think you should. And it didn't really take itself that seriously...). I once saw this trash compared to John Carpenter's The Thing and all I have to say is "How dare he?" (Who is "he"? Did Hitler do this? Did he travel through time to write stupid comparisons? Is there no end to his evil? But yea, it is a stupid comparison... One's a horror film based around suspense and distrust, the other is about inner struggle and ideas of masculinity.) Do yourself a favor and rent a good movie like "Clerks", "The Princess Bride", "Princess Mononoke" or "Forest Gump" (No. Not that they're all bad films. I just don't rent films really.). It was hard to find a movie to top my worst film ever but thanks to you bastards Brad Pitt and Fincher you've done it (Grr! What bastards! What absolute fuckers! This is the worst thing ever! Brad Pitt is personally responsible as well! He's worse than Stalin! He's worse than Hitler! He's worse than whoever made Jar Jar Binks!). Thanks for taking 2 hours of my life I can't get back. Hollywood scum. (You seem to be pretty insane sir. It was just a film. How better would you have spent the time?)

Amazon.com:

 Fight Club was one of the most boring movies that I saw in 1999 (Ok, you can say many things about it, but boring?). Amazing isn't it considering how much action and violence were in it (Well, I'm not amazed. A little surprised, perhaps...). I AM SO SICK AND TIRED OF HOLLYWOOD MAKING MOVIES LIKE THIS AND AMERICAN BEAUTY (Is this a review of American Beauty now? I'm confused...) THAT ARE ABOUT BORED RICH WHITE BOYS WHO HAVE NOTHING ELSE BETTER TO DO WITH THEIR LIVES THAN TO PUNCH EACH OTHER'S FACE OUT OR LUST AFTER TEEN-AGE GIRLS (Don't watch them then. Apart from the fact you obviously didn't like American Beauty either, what is the point of mentioning it? You're hardly making a focused argument here). Why don't they do something constructive like charity work or helping out at a homeless shelter (Who? The characters, of "Hollywood" itself? Well, I'm sure there are lots of films which show charity work, or the worth of helping others. It is certainly admirable, but not all films can be about feeding the homeless or milking poor cats. It would be boring. As for Hollywood itself? Well, most actors do a lot for charity, I understand. Not to mention the taxes they pay, which should help the poorer in society. Of course, this doesn't make the world perfect, but still - what's your point? How does it help someone decide whether to buy this film or not?) ? Now that would be a twist and something original that Hollywood never thought of. (Obviously you should be hired. Scrap that, you should be made the Mayor of Hollywood! El President!)

and for my last trick, the most stupid quibble with the film yet.
Amazon.com: 

This movie was a horrible movie. I usually like David Fincher's movies. I found it very unbelieveable; how can his imaginary character be driving a car with him siting in the passengers seat and people in the back seat just a all around dissapointing movie (Ok, I give up on your grammar. The film uses an unreliable narrator. As the narrator explains, sometimes he was doing things Tyler appeared to be doing. So he was driving the car. Very simple. I fail to see why it caused you so much trouble. But you were ok with the bombs, and the organising fight clubs and all of that? But not the car?)