Richard Littlejohn's House of Fun Pt. II

RL mourns the passing of 'Great' Britain - when a man could
be homophobic and racist and be celebrated for it...

I was glancing through my old posts when I saw my old post on Richard Littlejohn's fine book House of Fun: Thirteen Years of (Labour) Madness and noticed that I'd left the door open for a sequel. Well here is that said sequel! Obviously it'll be worse than the original (unless it's a Godfather Part II, or Toy Story 2, but I don't hold out much hope) but I'm lazy, so I'm going for the usual easy target. Anyhoo, here's a couple of 5-star review from amazon:

I have to say that this is a genuine five star review. You'll notice there are many but some are oh-so cleverly masking negative reviews that are not only cringeworthy and unoriginal but patronising (Some of them are pretty funny though... And the people who do that are at least people with views that aren't horrible...). These people should do stand up. (The 'do' isn't needed in that sentence.)

As A. Birchall said, "there's clearly a campaign to slate this book. No doubt by Labour loyalists or Con-Dem haters" (Sensible people who are left-wing then...) Another said "my friends got brain damage so he loved it!". Which says alot (That should be two separate words. And yeah, because RL has never mocked disabled people...). If you hate the Mail and RJ (RJ? His name isn't Richard John. His fans are so thick they even don't know the rat-bag's name...) fair enough, say it. Even if you haven't read the book - which some admit to. You're opinion of him can still help someone to dicide to purchase or not (That is true, except I would say almost everyone who buys this book has also read his columns, so it really doesn't matter). But it's a different realm altogether when a number of people are scrambling for the 'no' button after every positive review (Perhaps that is a little far). Some positive reviews are very descriptive, intriguing and to the point and make me want to know more, yet for example only "0 out of 10 people find this review helpful" ...why? (Maybe other people felt differently?) Who can these people be I wonder? (You have no possible way of knowing, but I suspect that won't stop you jumping to conclusions) Sometimes a negative review is placed and followed by positive one, these are then mysteriously blanked out through the mass of people who "don't think this adds to the discussion" - when it clearly does - in a poor attempt to hide what's great about this book (That's not how Amazon reviews work. I think you mean Amazon comments. And maybe, just maybe, the comment was insulting or otherwise wasn't adding constructively to the discussion). These actions, frankly speak volumes and indicates that his work clearly hits a nerve somewhere (Yes it does. Because his views are offensive and hateful.). 
Both the positive AND negative reviews made me want to buy the book because of how much he clearly annoys the followers of the self-serving crooks who were massively part of the mess this country is in (or all because they simply don't like a certain newspaper) (That's a bit petty isn't it? And the mess the country is in is a result of a global economic crash. Not the Labour government. Indeed, Gordon Brown is considered one of the favourites for the vacant position as head of the International Monetary Fund [IMF], except Mr. Cameron has said he won't support him. He is also currently an advisor for the World Economic Forum. He didn't do this by being incompetent. He got it by being so highly respected by the economic community as a result of his safe leadership and economic recovery packages that were copied by most of the rest of the world. Unlike Mr. Osborne, who isn't highly regarded by anyone.)

As a hard-working Brit taxpayer who's never relied on benefits (People who rely on benefits can still be hard working you know. They may have been laid-off and can't find a job as a result of the swingeing cuts made by the current government. Not everyone on benefit is a work-dodger. Though you and RL will probably never accept that...), who's fathers' pension was stolen (I don't think Gordon Brown nicked your dad's pension somehow...), who was fined for using fog lights in dense fog (That would have been the police, moron. As much as Brown doesn't steal pensions, he also doesn't go around fining people for using fog lights either...), I could go on. Reading it was so enjoyable to the point it reminded me there was someone with a voice on my side, someone who, ok, knows he can't make a difference but can simply, like me, sigh, roll my eyes and chuckle at the madness we've witnessed from a government of a once great country. (Out of these many lines, only four of them are an actual review. And a really shit review at that. It's entirely subjective and about as in-depth as a character from a Dan Brown novel...)

Thoroughly recommend it! (And yet you never say why I should buy it...)

And here's another one, somewhat shorter than the last:

Judging by the number of faux reviews from guardian munching (I don't know about the Daily Mail, but people usually read the Guardian rather than eat it...) leaders of the proletariat (How dare people be middle-class, but champion the cause of those less well-off and influential than themselves?) who are obviously uspet enough by LittleJohns (He doesn't have a capital J. It's not like McRae or anything...) musings to take precious time out of their busy schedules to mock him (Actually it's just really, really fun. It's certainly worth taking time out of my empty schedule to do.), this is a read I will thoroughly enjoy (So you have not only not read it, but not even purchased? I really don't think you should be 'reviewing' anything. Really this is as much a 'faux review' as anything by any 'guardian munching leaders of the proletariat'.). Thanks again to the above mentioned persons, what would I do without you. (nb - thats not a question) (And what would this website do without Littlejohn and his followers? Pick on other people obviously, but there would be no go-to idiot for when I'm feeling particularly lazy...)

That's really it for good reviews that aren't fake or two lines long, so we shall have to end it there. But there are other Littlejohn books to mock!

Richard Littlejohn's House of Fun: Thirteen Years of (Labour) Madness

FREE! Cut out and keep dartboard...

As you may have gathered from previous posts, Richard Littlejohn is not one of our favourite human beings (if that is indeed what he is. Rather than, say, a festering pile of manure that's been left out in the sun). In fact he's right down towards the bottom with Nick Griffin. This is mostly to do with his racist, misogynistic, homophobic and generally repellant views. At this juncture you could point out that well thought out and reasoned opinion is a basic human right. Which is all very true, except that none of that applies to Littlejohn's writings; based, as they are, on lies, prejudice, misinformation and incorrect assumptions. But anyway, Richard released his new addition to the Western Canon earlier this year with the not-at-all cumbersome or one-sided title of Richard Littlejohn's House of Fun: Thirteen Years of (Labour) Madness. Obviously those who give it one star are right, so we'll look at the idiots who gave this rallying cry for the BNP five stars instead:

It`s pretty clear that there is a campaign to discredit this book on here (This much is true. And I thank you Amazon readers for all the incredibly sarcastic and witty fake 5-star reviews), Trouble is when you are as brutally frank and honest as Littlejohn you are going to ruffle a few feathers (Or, you're going to ruffle feathers when you lie through your teeth or are horrifically prejudiced against any/every minority. One of the two). I have no axe to grind (You can have an axe in your head if you want. I'll gladly take time out of doing this to deliver it to you post haste), I read all kinds of books (Piers Morgan as well eh?) and as an ordinary joe so much of what I`ve read in this book rings true (I presume you get your news from the Daily Mail then? Only one of you could be so ill informed in this country). Littlejohn writes it as it is (No he doesn't, he invents most of his stories out of thin air. The rest are drawn from the Daily Mail's own made-up stories). I find this book entertaining,funny and echoes the feelings of many people today who are in disbelief at what new labour have done to this country (What, lead it through the greatest economic boom in years? No? Then the improvement in education and health? Still no? Oh, then you're referring to the economic crisis. You realise that was America and the banker's fault right? Of course not. Why let the truth get in the way of a good jab at the 'loony left'...). You dont need to be a Daily mail reader to enjoy Littlejohn but it probably helps! (Well of course it does. Only Mail readers would be so stupid to think a word of what's written in here is true. 'Hurrah for the Blackshirts' and all that...)

Here's another:

What I found most hilarious is that the majority of people that have rated it 1 haven't read it (Who needs  to? It's Littlejohn, we all know what will be contained therein. And it ain't better than Tolstoy no matter what he says...). It's typical Labour rubbish of claiming that anyone that disagrees with them is bigoted or racist (This would be a better defence if Littlejohn weren't bigoted and racist.). When probably his views are fair and balanced. (They aren't. I've read some of them. They're enough to make a man cry...)

I actually found the book fantastic (Can we get a lobotomy to here!). It highlighted some of the absolute nonsense that went on under Labour (Yup. Like Increasing VAT during an economic recovery. Or increasing tuition fees, whilst simultaneously making far less money available for Universities and trying to discourage foreign students from gaining access. Or cutting up to 40% from local councils. Oh, wait hang on, that was all the Tories in less than a year...). They'd rather spend money on daft diversity programmes (Those equality loving bastards!) such as encouraging more of ethnic minorities to go fishing (Actually I think they were encouraging them to go on to higher education) than spend money on cancer drugs that could have saved my father's life! (Look. NICE are in charge of all that, and they are independent. You're precious Tories are taking them away, meaning that whatever drug is currently being touted by your precious 'newspaper' [I use the term quite incorrectly] as a 'miracle' will be approved. Who cares if it is no better than placebo in proper medical trials, Mrs Bloggs says she was saved while she was on it therefore it will cure everyone and it only costs £500,000 a box...)

I'm sorry, I know I normally do 3 or so, but this time I can't. If I read any more reviews about the 'loony left frothing at the mouth' or 'nulabor' (They can't even spell Labour the British way...) I will end up on the 6 o'clock news having hacked my way through most of England. These people make me ashamed to be British, they really do. Perhaps I will come back to it at some later date, but just now, it's all too depressing...

On a lighter note, Happy 4,540,002,011th Birthday Earth, try not to get too drunk eh? And stay away from that Venus, she's not good enough for you...

Paul's Rules, number 1.

Don't be a complete Kant.
Image via Wikipedia.

Language. If you buy a film with an "18" rating on the front, you cannot give it one star on Amazon because they said fuck 42 times. Or any other number of times. The point I am making is that a modern, 18+ film will contain many naughty words. You cannot then go and say "I am shocked that Hot-Assed porn sluts shooting people and committing other crimes while taking drugs and drinking (In 3D) contained 12 used of the "f***" word. Do not watch this film because a man might have said the C-word!!!!" Confusions relating to Immanuel Kant aside, this is the modern world. I am sorry it offends you, but no-one is making you watch films, and you have no right to try and censor them with your crappy, crappy Amazon reviews.