Friday, 9 December 2011

Easy A

Wish I'd gone to a fictional American school...
One of the flaws in my DVD collection has always been that I don't have that many films that aren't horribly depressing. One such non-suicide-inducing film is Will Gluck's 2010 teen comedy Easy A. The film follows Olive Penderghast (the excellent Emma Stone) as one little lie snowballs to take over her entire school life. The film was released to widespread acclaim and, obviously far more importantly, I loved it. I felt it was funny and charming throughout, with strong performances from everyone. Along with the aforementioned Ms Stone, Patricia Clarkson and Stanley Tucci require extra praise for their roles as Olive's laid-back parents. Well, that's enough of my thoughts, let's see what the users of amazon.com made of it:
Easy A tries to be another Clueless (If you complain about this 'trying to be another clueless' then pretty much any teen comedy made since 1995 is doing the same.) but turns into a pile of garbage (Excuse me? A pile of garbage? Really? If you didn't find it funny, that's one thing, but to actually call it garbage?). The script is both bad and offensive (The script is not bad. It's funny and heartfelt. And as for offensive? This is not some raunchy sex or gross-out comedy. What's offensive about it?). The acting is absolutely dreadful from top to bottom (That'll be why the acting was praised and nominated for many awards then?). I deeply regret renting this movie (Then you're a fuckwit.) and more deeply regret letting two 14-year-old girls watch it unattended during a dinner party. (Why? Are you worried that they'll learn that they shouldn't lie? As far as I could see there was only positive things in the film for a teenager to see. There's not even much swearing, some "shitty"s and a couple of "twat"s but thats it. You really worry too much. You're probably the same type of person that calls for films rated R to be banned because "children can see it". And I hate those people.)
Let's see what else we can find shall we?:
This movie was one of the worst I have seen in a long time (Really? Though I suppose Pimp wasn't seen by many people...). A true piece of trash (It really isn't you know.). It glorifies sluts and promiscuity (Excuse me? Did you actually watch the fucking film? It shows what can happen if you just lie about promiscuity. It hardly comes down in favour of sleeping around. It is pro-choice on the matter, however. And, really, who's business is it but the people who are involved? Don't judge people for it.) while degrading those who believe in God or wish to save a certain part of themselves until after marriage (I think 'degrading' is a bit strong. In fact calling it that is ridiculous. The filmmakers didn't go all S├ílo on them or anything. They were portrayed as fucking annoying. Which is fair enough, because people like that are fucking annoying. Especially those like the ones in the film, who delighted in thinking other people were going to hell. How Christian is that?). The plot was horrible and deserved an R rating (Really? So anything that deals with sex in any way should immediately be an R should it? Good God, America is sexually repressed. And I thought Britain could be bad...). It is because of films like this that I've started to give up on Hollywood (Things like this? Original, witty, well-made films are what started that? Personally I'm getting bored of Hollywood's incessant remakes, reboots and rehashed ideas. Each to their own though.). I got the impression that the profanity (Two words used probably less than a dozen times!) and sexual content was created first, and then the writers tried to build a plot around that. (You're an idiot. I hope you don't have children, because there is no way they are going to come out well rounded, free adults. They'll either be terrified of their sexuality like you and lead horrible repressed lives, or rebel against it and become massive sluts/man-whores. And I know what would be worse. You can always grow out of being slutty.)
Here's a little quickie:
One of the most boring movies. I guess most of the reviews are written by 19yrs old females lounging in their pajamas. (Holy sexism Batman! With a bit of ageism thrown in too, brilliant. It's always nice to see sweeping generalizations made by fucktards on the internet is a tradition that is still going strong after all these years...)
Let's go further down the rabbit-hole and see what we can find:
Another Sleezy Attack On Christians (That's not how you spell 'sleazy'. This is a less than auspicious start...)
Another childish attempt at shallow humor...The (There should be a space between the ellipsis and 'The'. And the plot is far from childish, it's actually very grown-up about the whole thing. The humour is far from shallow, too.) story of a teenager doing 'anything' to be popular is so trite (But so's everything these days. There are only so many situations. This film makes an old idea fresh. And that's a pretty difficult thing to do.) but what is really disgusting is the portrayal of the Christian students who are presented as dimwits...Anyone (There's that spacing problem again... Also, they aren't 'dimwits'. They're cunts.) who has any exerience in public schools will tell you that for the most part the kids who are influenced by the Christian, Jewish and Buddhist teachings are usually the school leaders (They are shown to be at the top of the class. They are also shown to be self-righteous, blow-hard [that's one Americanism I quite like] cunts.), great students and filled with common (Wait for it...) sense...but (There it is! Strike three! Many who come from these backgrounds are as you describe them. But many are not. Many at the top of classes are atheist [especially in areas such as science, since they can grasp the idea of evidence and burden of proof], it really doesn't matter. You're rampant prejudice against those without religion is stupid and your belief that you are under 'attack' borders on paranoia. People will disagree with your world-view. Doing so, and being hacked off by people acting like the Christians in this film, is a fact of life. How often do you see atheists on street corners with megaphones shouting about how we're all just going to die and this is all there is? How often do atheists or agnostics cut someone off because they disagree with a belief or lifestyle choice? Certainly not as often as religious people.) this character smirking must go on (If anyone can tell me what he/she means here, please let me know.) so as to diminish the influence of people who have found POSITIVE ways to live compared to these down graders of our civilization (Downgraders of civilization? This coming from a believer in Christianity? Don't make me laugh. Who was it who tried Galileo Galilei and banned his works because he dared to discover something and further the human race? Who burned people at the stake for believing a slightly different form of claptrap or for being a 'witch'? Who was it that propagated AIDs in Africa by lying about the effectiveness of condoms to prevent the spread of the disease? Who is holding back stem cell research that could potentially save millions of lives worldwide because it offends a mythical being? I'm pretty sure it wasn't atheists. And that's without getting onto the religious wars and crusades, or the effect on individuals' knowledge of the world around us because they believe books written nearly 2000 years ago. Yeah, who are the 'downgraders' now bitch?)
Yes, before anyone comments, I realise that I was preaching my beliefs in the manner I so despise in Christians. That was kind of the point. Also, he insulted my beliefs so I defended them. Somewhat robustly...
Here's one last review, this time from amazon.co.uk:
I am 17 years old and personally found this movie dull and boring.. (Another brilliant, in depth review that really tackles what the reviewer objected to. Certainly not a shit review at all.) well the start at least as i only managed to watch this first 30mins before turning it off. (For the last fucking time, don't review something that you've only seen 1/3rd of! It's ridiculous! You cannot extrapolate those 30 minutes to know exactly how good or otherwise a film may be. Some films take longer to get going than others, I felt this film kicked off pretty nicely, though many of the funnier moments are in the second half... Hang on... I think I know what happened. You read the blurb, saw the certificate and thought there were going to be breasts and dick jokes like in American Pie didn't you? After half an hour you realised you were watching the wrong film and, in your flaccid anger, posted that review didn't you? You make me sick.)
Well, that's an image you probably didn't want me to close on, but too late. You've read it. You can't unread it.

Monday, 5 December 2011

Blazing Saddles

Gene Wilder and Cleavon Little in a classic scene
Yes that's right, I'm back baby! After 3 months of inactivity your number one compendium of silly reviews is back in action! At least for this post. We'll have to see if I can keep it going this time...

In 1974 Mel Brooks released two fantastic comedies that were both stunning successes. Young Frankenstein was a spoof of old Universal monster films and, the one we're interested in today, Blazing Saddles. Blazing Saddles is a biting satire of the Wild West and America's attitudes towards it. Particularly in regards to race. However, it must be said, the film is seemingly open to misinterpretation as these reviews from Amazon.com show:
Racism, sexism. Every ism thrown together so as to almost induce vomiting (I don't recall any dry heaving or anything, but if you say so). I heard before watching that this movie was "politically incorrect" (Why do I suspect that you watched this film with the intention of being offended, just so you could complain about it? I hate people who do that.). That is not the half of it! (Yeah! There's all the jokes and the plot and everything too.) This is clearly only meant for the enjoyment of white men (That'll be why it was directed and co-written by a Jewish man with another co-writer being that infamously white racist comedian Richard Pryor then?)  who have no sense of social equality or for the brainless of any race or sex, i.e. the kind of people who enjoy watching Family Guy. (To be honest, Family Guy makes fun of everyone and everything, so it is social equality in action. If it gave other 'races' [there's no such thing by the way, the Human Genome Project found there was as much genetic variation between individuals of a 'race' as between the 'races'. See? I'm informing as well as being fatuous and silly.] an easier ride because they are a different colour, then they'd be racist. Also, what you have done is generalize lots of people by what they watch, which makes you better than your common-or-garden racist how?)
This one's actually from amazon.co.uk, but they've still misinterpreted it:
If you like racist jokes you must definitely see this (The jokes aren't racist. The whole point of the film is to point out the racism that was prevalent in the West, but was completely ignored by the Western films of the time. Every single joke you claim to be racist is actually making fun of the racists. Why do you think the hero of the film is black? Surely if the film were truly racist then all the black people would be stupid, lazy and spend much of their time eating fried chicken. Clearly you missed all those bits where the hero beats the white men by being cleverer than them.) I don't so I rated this with 2 stars. It has nothing to do with the quality of the DVD or with the service rendered by the vending company. This latter was impeccable.
There are other reviews which make the same mistakes, but they're a little repetitive so I'll change tack and just go with someone who thought it was generally crap:
This Movie is so Not Funny! (That is a matter of opinion. Looking at this film's position on all-time funny lists I'd say that the vast majority disagree with you) I sat down and watched this flick with some friends who loved it and i have to say what a waiste waste of my time it was (You really should finish sentences you know... Also, dear reader, bear in mind that his friends 'loved it', I'll refer back to this later on.). This movie tried so hard to be funny but was not funny at all (Again, this is rather subjective, but this is comedy and everyone is different so I'll let it go. Could you at least say why it wasn't funny to you? Y'know, like in a review?). I know a lot of rebiews reviews were good about for this movie, so the film maybe may be good to the older crowd who are in there 40's and 50's (I suppose I should praise you for at least accepting that some people may find it funny...) but for the hip young generation (I know I'm fairly uncool, but who the fuck says 'hip' these days apart from middle-aged parents?) and sophisticated one like mine (Learn to properly spell/type and format a sentence before you go around calling yourself 'sophisticated' eh? For those interested, the correct grammar would have been 'but for a hip, young, sophisticated generation like mine'in the teens and twenties this movie is pure crap (But you yourself stated that your friends loved it. Assuming your friends are of a similar age you have successfully destroyed your own argument. You're an idiot. An actual idiot. You can't spell, you fail to grasp even slightly the concept of correct grammar and you consistently fail to recognise that your beliefs are not representative of all members of your generation). Nothing good about it at all (Except much of it...). I just can not believe people find Blazing Saddles such a great comedy (Because they have better senses of humour than you?). Oh well I hated the movie. (And I hate you.)
I think that'll do for this time. I'll try to get the next one out within the week!
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