Wednesday, 16 February 2011

Blade Runner Pt.2

Oh God it's so dark. The real world isn't dark...
Image via seenax
Long-time readers may have noticed that I really rather like Sir Ridley Scott's sci-fi-noir masterpiece, Blade Runner. I know I've already done  a post on bad reviews for it, but I had left America's wells of stupidity untapped. But I shall rectify this oversight now!:
I've seen all the versions of this film and, for some reason, really want to like it (If you didn't like it the fist time, then why the fuck did you think any of the other editions would float your boat?). Unfortunately, most of the movie takes place in dark rooms, intended to symbolize, perhaps, a dark future but serves only to underscore the unreality of the film. Any real person going into any of the rooms in this film would open the drapes or turn on a light (Excuse me? All the rooms are dark because it is recall the black & white film of the 1940s/50s noir movies. It doesn't make it any less real. Surely if you're okay with the idea of replicants, you can suspend belief enough to cope with people leaving the lights off? And it's a post apocalyptic-y dystopia, so there might well be little electricity to use on excessive lighting. And it's almost always dark outside, so opening curtains really wouldn't do an awful lot...). It is like the technical director is about 14 years old. (Ironically, I was thinking the same about this review...)
And it is slow, possibly so that we don't miss the product placement. (There isn't that much product placement. And the film travels just as quickly as it needs to. I recommend you stick to Transformers and other Michael Bay movies in future)

I know this is supposed to be noirish, but noir films always clip right along (Actually, quite a few them take as much time to move along as this one. And it's not slow anyway, it merely takes its time). This drones along with a David Lynch obscurity (again, think 14 year old (You realise that David Lynch was not 14 when Eraserhead [his debut] was made don't you? Or are you trying to suggest that Lynch is juvenile? In which case I have four words for you: Elephant Man, and Blue Velvet.)). I think if I were stoned as I watched it I might think it was deep (It's actually pretty deep as it is. What could possibly be more deep than the questioning of humanity, and what makes a human, a human?). But, unfortunately, I wasn't, so I just wish they'd turn the lights on. (Leave the fucking lights alone!)
Here we have another stellar review:
I read that this was the greatest sci-fi movie ever made (It's probably not the greatest sci-fi movie ever, but that's primarily because of 2001: A Space Odyssey). I love sci-fi but this movie sucked (I hate to deal in absolutes, but if you don't appreciate this film in any way, then you clearly don't like sci-fi)! People say it has "intensely packed action" (Well there are  number of action scenes, and the movie is pretty intense, but I would question the overall phrase). It almost put me to sleep (Then more fool you). The themes could have made a good movie (They could have. And did.) but this is a disjointed mess (You're a disjointed fucking mess! Also, this film isn't). It takes place where the sun doesn't shine, literally, and it rains all the time (It's called film noir. It's quite a famous genre/movement. Look it up sometime). Harrison Ford and Rutger Hauer do OK with the script they're given (They do very well with the very good script). The writing and directing are the problem (No they aren't. The direction in particular is an utter joy and comes very close to perfection). It's VERY SLOW! (It isn't bloody slow! It's well paced) Wanna buy my copy? (Nah, I've got my own thanks.) Total Recall and iRobot draw the good points from this movie. Get those instead! (Now, I really like both of those movies. But to put both of them ahead of Blade Runner is pure, grade A bullshit.)
Here's a little bonus, a review from back home in Britain that I missed last time around!:
Utter, utter, utter dross. (Yes. One of the greatest sci-fi films of all time is 'dross'.) One of the worst films I have ever seen (What have you seen? Just Citizen Kane, Casablanca and Seven Samurai? Cause among that company it would be the worst.), clearly only rated so highly by sci-fi nerds and people who want to appear retro cool. (Yes, only nerds and phoneys can like this film. That must be how it gets so praised by almost every professional critic...) The only interesting thing about this film was how you can see the influence it has clearly had on other sci-fi films such as Terminator and Minority Report. (Surely the fact that great filmmakers like James Cameron [well, he was great back then, anyway] and Steven Spielberg were influenced by it would suggest that perhaps you just don't get it. Possibly because you're a witless oaf.)
Well, I shall be back soon with more anger and hate towards the idiots of the world...

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