Tuesday, 19 April 2011


Why's it in Korean?... Image via wikipedia
South Korean cinema has been enjoying a pretty good run of late, what with films like The Host, Sympathy for Mr Vengeance and The Good, The Bad, The Weird getting good reviews and enjoying something of a cult status here in the West. The film considered by many to be perhaps the best of this pack, however, is Park Chan-wook's Oldboy. Based on the Japanese Manga of the same name, it was collected the Grand Prix at the 2004 Cannes Film Festival and championed by the President of the Jury that year, a certain Quentin Tarantino. The film stars Choi Min-sik as Oh Dae-su, a man held captive for 15 years in a hotel room before being released and attempting to track down his captors. Unsurprisingly, it wasn't exactly tricky to find some morons on amazon.co.uk:
Cant believe the positive reviews on this awful film (Really? Not even a little? Are you that clueless?). Ham acting, highly unlikely but easily predictable plot (The acting was not hammy. It was stylised. As was the whole film. And yes the plot was highly unlikely, but it never pretended to be a true story. And if you predicted every single aspect of the story from the first 10 minutes you deserve a medal. I very much doubt you do.). Poor poor attempts to 'suprise' the audience, at least for the more diserning amoungst us (Are you suggesting that the Jury at Cannes are less discerning than yourself? Because that's pretty fucking egotistical.). The usual ridiculous fight scenes where the main character has developed super hero powers by punching a wall in jail (Again - stylised and not real.). I am so sick of purile films like this (It isn't puerile. Roger Ebert described it as a 'powerful film not because of what it depicts, but because of the depths of the human heart which it strips bare'.) and so saddened by an easily impressed bunch of reviewers ('Easily impressed bunch of reviewers'? Are you including the likes of Mr. Ebert and Mr. Tarantino in that sweeping generalisation, or just Amazon reviewers?). Compare this nonesense to films like 'the seven samurai' (Not all films should be compared to The Seven Samurai though. That would be beyond ridiculous.) or even good vengence type movies like 'death wish' (original only) (I'm not even going to point out the stupidity displayed here), or 'unexpected twist' style movies like 'the usual suspects' (I really liked The Usual Suspects. But I wouldn't say it was miles better than Oldboy. They are two very different, very good films). Old boy is rubbish compared to even these relatively average films (Death Wish is below average and The Usual Suspects is above average. It is rubbish compared to neither. I'm just hoping you weren't including The Seven Samurai in the average films...). What happened to movies of the quality of '12 angry men', 'the grapes of wrath','to kill a mocking bird','inherit the wind','ben hur','khartoum','el cid', etc, etc. (Films of that quality are still being made you fool. Just because movie-making has moved on in the last half century, doesn't mean they're crap now. If you had your way I'm sure we'd still be using Edison's Kinetoscope.) Okay I loved 'the matrix', 'the lord of the rings' etc but there are so few nowadays that the reviewers such as the ones for this film are so accepting of utter tosh! (No. You're just looking at the past with rose-tinted glasses. There were plenty of shit films in the 50s. And there are plenty of great films in the 00s and 10s[?]. Just look at Gomorrah, There Will Be Blood, No Country For Old Men, The Hurt Locker, The King's Speech...)
Let's just go straight into the next one:
To mention this contrived, ridiculous, absurd and laughable RUBBISH in the same breath as "Sympathy For Mr Vengeance" is a CRIME!!! (If this is contrived, how is Mr Vengeance not?) To group these two films together as part of a so-called 'Trilogy' is an ATROCITY!!! (Once more I'm forced to point out what is and isn't an atrocity. That is not. The murder of around 20 million people by Stalin was an atrocity. Some perspective please people!) And the fact that so many people adore this tripe while dismissing the one of the most brutally realistic, beautiful, powerful and disturbing movies ever made almost literally makes me want to WEEP!!! (I'd rather you did that then expound your ill-conceived arguments here. I personally enjoyed both. Though I felt that Oldboy was the more engaging, powerful and visceral of the two)

The two films might have been directed by the same person and they are both based around the concept of 'Vengeance.' But beyond that, the similarity ends (There are actually quite a few stylistic similarities as well. Along with the not-quite-reality-but-not-fantasy feel). Indeed, "Old Boy" is the kind of unbelievably clichéd and 'Hollywood-esque' rubbish that made me turn my back on Western cinema in the first place! (There is absolutely nothing 'Hollywood-esque' about Oldboy. See the attempted US remake for proof of this. And you really shouldn't turn your back on Western cinema, excellent films are still produced here. Why can't you watch both?) Having studied psychology myself, I have no doubt that any professional hypnotist or psychologist will confirm that the final denouement is a JOKE!!! (Well, again, it's not supposed to be realistic. Park Chan-wook's films are always somewhat fantastical - not to mention fantastic) So as much as I struggle to find something positive to say about this movie, the final scene was quite touching, and that's it! (Well, I suppose that's something we kind of agree on)

Watching this film, I felt almost nothing but disappointment and disgust at having wasted two hours of my life (Oh, you'd only have wasted them anyway.), except of course when the protagonist found the secret prison where he'd been held for the last fifteen years. 

Other people were being held there for no just reason, and yet the protagonist made absolutely NO attempt to release them! (Well, he used them in his plan, so he couldn't very well kill all the captors) Being held like that for one and a half decades would have made me MORE sympathetic to the prisoners' plight, not less! (I think it was more to do with him being incredibly driven to find the man who did that to him. He did go a bit peculiar in that 15 years...) But of course, this was just one of the completely contrived, meaningless, laughable and absurd plot devices which are supposed to carry this film forward (I'm sorry, but this is a film. They are almost always full of contrivances and plot devices. If you can't suspend your disbelief I suggest that you stop watching films altogether.). And as soon as the local 'DVD Exchange & Mart' opens tomorrow, I'm getting rid of it once and for all. (Well, your loss, someone else's gain I suppose)

If you love this film, then I pity you (Don't you condescending little shit. I seek no pity for any of my feelings from the likes of you. Now piss off before I seek you out and hold you captive for 15 years. Wanker.). But of course, the real nightmare is still to come. Because having bought the third movie on DVD as well, I've been told that "Lady Vengeance" is even WORSE!!! (Well, I heard it wasn't as good as the other two, but is still a perfectly acceptable film. But then, I imagine that the people who told me that weren't fucking twats.)
Sorry. May have lost my rag a little there... Still, let's move on to America, shall we?:
this is a sick and disgusting movie that just took great ideas from other movies and mashed it up and added the "shock" factor (I see. Of course you will be discussing why the film is 'sick and disgusting' and will be looking at what films and where Chan-wook stole ideas. Won't you?). Really? I mean is this what movies are coming to? don't waste your time on this.... (An ellipsis should be 3 dots, not 4. And watching this film would not be a waste of time.)

its really sickening that a movie like this is even being made... really it is. (No it isn't. It wasn't like it was supporting incest or anything...)

I kept waiting for a redeeming moment like waking up from a bad dream-- only reason I kept watching (Not the interesting and engaging story then?). I wasn't waiting for a "good" ending because that's not always what makes a movie, or even a fairy tale ending (Wow. Clearly you're not a complete moron. Just an almost complete moron.). But when the end hit I was actually mad, strangely enough. I never get irritated from movies? (I don't know if you normally get mad at movies. Surely you're the person best qualified to answer that... Frankly I don't give damn. The fact that the ending of this made you mad is bad enough.) but to have however many hours sucked out of my life only to be suckered in by good cinematography was really irritating. (2 hours. And really, what would you have done in them? Probably watched some shit you believed to be good. I doubt you'd have cured cancer or anything)

a 5 year old with a camera and some glue could have made a better movie... (Okay. I'll bet you any amount of money that the said five year-old's film couldn't win the Grand Prix at Cannes...) I agree that anyone can just copy paste great angles and colors and orchestrate complete trash--exactly what this was (Except it really wasn't. It was an original story, with original direction done excellently). Good composition + Stabbing people - any sort of good plot = good movie?... nope. (Good composition + emotional heart + good plot = good movie?... Yup.)
And lastly we have this idiot:
a wanna be action film (It's more an action-thriller actually... And there's certainly nothing 'wannabe' about it), with subtitles (Subtitles aren't a criticism you half-wit!) 5 stars i think not ill give it one star for few good fights , while looking very fake they did take few chances here and for that ill give them a star (I really hate you. The fight scenes were supposed to be video game-like and look slightly fake. It's called interesting cinematography.) , as far the rest these reviews , they seem paided off cause i saw nothen to warent 5 stars (Do you mean paid off? I highly doubt a South Korean company has the funds to pay off over 400 Amazon reviewers. Maybe you're just really shit at reviewing films?). wanna see a good movie on revenge try payback (Really? Choosing an action film remake with Mr. Racist himself Mel Gibson, over the Lee Marvin original Point Blank? You do surprise me...). want to see sick movie about stored hate check out american history x , the bite the curb part at start of that film (But they're two entirely different films! With entirely different aims! You're an idiot! An actual idiot!).this movie could have been 5 stars with a real budget cast and no subtitles (Well actually it did have a big budget cast. Choi Min-sik is one of Korea's biggest actors at home and abroad. And if you disparage the subtitles again I'm going to make you bite the fucking kerb.). dont be fooled by reviews here u can tell which reviews paided for , and which people bought the dvd with there own money and didnt get what they paided for (You are a paranoid, crazy little man.), and often movies that get poor reviews from critics the ones to see, fight club for one (Sometimes, but not always. Sex and the City 2 got awful reviews and deserved every single one. And more. And anyway, Fight Club didn't get poor reviews. It got polarised reviews, with some unable to see past the 'excessive violence', whilst feeling the film itself was well made and told etc. And it currently holds an 82% score on Rotten Tomatoes. So err... Shut up.). this about 10th time i have been fooled by these good reviews that someone paided their writers to hype up movie on this site. (Oh fuck off and learn correct grammar, how to spell and how to use punctuation. 'Paided'? Seriously? You've got to be fucking kidding me? I mean really, 'paided'?)
I think that last one has to take the biscuit for worst attempt at writing I've ever seen. 

Who thinks fucking 'paided' is a fucking word?

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