Halloween Special

So, I'm weeding out a special Halloween product just for your idiotic pleasure. Now, I'm not going to say all people with strange fetishes are idiots - after all, they comprise a decent number of readers on my other blog - but what do the following two words suggest to you:

Sexy. House.

 They suggest, I hope, that something is missing from my sentence. If I said, for Halloween, my lady-friend was to be dressing as a sexy house, you'd probably think you'd misheard, or I'd missed something out of my description (Thinking I meant a sexy houseplant, perhaps. Actually, that's still strange.)

 But no! The sexy house costume is a real thing for Halloween. No longer is sticking your penis inside a letterbox, only to be rejected by angry occupants a nightmare you have to bear.

Yea, is this doing it for you too? Mhh...

Image via CostumeSuperCentre.

So, in standard Weeding out the Idiots form, I've broken down the description with some mockery:

GO AS A COUPLE (Really? Is that how couples costumes work? I planned on wearing both myself. While crying. Into a box of tissues. On my own.) . EACH COSTUME SOLD SOLD (Sold sold) SEPARATELY**This walking peep show (Good show, my girlfriend wants to adopt David Mitchell. Probably to dress him like this) costume has a hidden kitty behind the front door. (Ah, because pussy is a slang term for a woman's vagina. I see what you've done there, it's very clever) Costume features a dress with windows and a door in just the right places (Those would be the boobies and aforementioned vagina. You know, if you want to really objectify a woman.). **PRICES FOR FEMALE COSTUMES ONLY. MALE COSTUMES CAN BE ORDERED SEPARATELY BY ADDING AN ORDER QUANTITY BELOW. (For 40 quid. For that piece of shit. Seriously)**

I mean, really. What people get up to in the privacy of their own homes is, of course, their own business. But if you fantasise that your companion was a big house and you were mortaring her up and wearing a crappy little blue hat, then you may have problems. And ladies: Are there any of you out there who worry your men aren't finding you house-like enough? Can't be bothered putting on the weight? Then maybe this is the costume for you...

 It's £40. 40! And that's on offer! And it's sold out! Who bought this? Why? Who wants to fuck a detached family home? Or be a human sized house riding atop a miraculously unharmed builder?

Well, me. But that's beside the point.