Rocky



Cover of Rocky

Cover of Rocky

Personally, I enjoyed the Rocky series. I'm going somewhere with this, and that somewhere is a review of some reviews of Rocky (the first one. Seems the place to start). I mean, it wasn't the greatest film I've ever seen, but I didn't feel I'd wasted my life watching it. I'll admit, I was a little upset when Ben explained that Rocky wasn't actually called Rockward, but I can live with that. So, let's look at some shit. Metaphorically:

Amazon.com:

I dislike all of the Rocky Movies(Please don't be so ambiguous about your opinion). I'm sorry, but they are all mindless (Not really. The story contained some mind, I think), and Sylvester Stalone is annoying, and can't act(Well, he can a little. That's why he was nominated for those awards and shit). One star is giving this movie way too much credit. (Heavens to Betsy)

Amazon.com:

I know many think this was a great movie but it's not for me (So very helpful. I know what not to buy you for Christmas!)

Amazon.com:

Stallones accent doesn't help either (That's not an accent, part of his face was paralysed when he was born. Nice... Want to go kick a guy in a wheelchair next? Bully an elderly dog? You make me sick). Strange enough the sequels were far better. The problem with this film is that it drags too much.

Amazon.com:

This has got to be the worst film I have ever seen in my life (Well, that's your opinion. Of course, to make it relevant as a review you have to actually explain it so it can help other people). I cant believe that there is more that one in the series(Really? You can't believe it? Do you mean you actually find it impossible to believe? Because... You know. They exist). I absolutly hated it (Didn't know that). I have never liked a film with Sylvester Stallone in it (I feel like I'm really getting to know you now). Have you seen his mother (Not in person), You cant tell them apart when there standing next to each other. (Really? I bet I could. And a personal attack on an actor's mother really helps me decide whether I want to buy the film or not.)

Amazon.com:

This movie is just 2 hours of sylvetster stalonne rambling on about something or other(probally homosexuallity (What does that even mean? That's got to be the worst attempt at homophobia I've ever seen. Homophobia, by nature, is the past-time of the stupid. But you, sir, have managed to lower it even further)) and i for one was more impressed with rocky 3 cause it had Mr. T (Mr. T is cool. However, you're not. So I'm not letting you off)

Amazon.com:

This is one of the most overrated movies of all time (Subjectively). Sylvester Stallone is not that good of an actor (You're not that good of a writer), in my opinion. He's not the worst actor ever, but he's definetly not the best (Splendid analysis. I'll draw up an actor talent graph and plonk him in the middle then...). The main reason why I gave this movie 1 star is because the showdown between Rocky and Apollo Creed at the end is very disappointing (I know. I was hoping for a cock fight). I was expecting a big climatic boxing match(Which you got), but I was appalled at just how boring and short it was. Rocky didn't even win the damn World Heavyweight Championship belt from Apollo Creed because the referee stopped the contest too soon (They ran out of time. And the point was Rocky managing to last the distance.). Right before the credits at the very end of the movie, Rocky looks so retarded screaming, "Adrian!" over and over again (Your prose is practically orgasmic). What a lackluster conclusion (What did you want him to do? Win and live in a space mansion?). I've heard people tell me how the climax of this movie gave them goosebumps. Well guess what? I didn't get one single goosebump! (You didn't give me a chance to fucking guess) The ending to this movie sucked! (So do you) Nearly everybody else seems to think that this movie is just the greatest thing they've ever seen, but I don't (You'd probably be better received if you treated us with the intelligence to work that out for ourselves).

A list of extracts from Amazon.com:

I don't know, maybe if I saw the screenplay, it might be seen that none of Rocky's lines has any consonants, which might partly explain Stallone's delivery. (Paralyzed face)

As it is, his range of emotion runs from thoughtful ("Yo, [something unintelligible]") to heartfelt ("Yo, Adrian, [something unintelligible]", long pause, "[Something unintelligible], ya know?"), to angry ("[SOMETHING UNINTELLIGIBLE]!!"). (Paralyzed face)

I'm sure someone will say, "Hey, that's the character, he's just an inarticulate guy." It's just a weak excuse for bad acting. (Paralyzed face)

Seldom could I understand just what rocky was saying, since he seemed to be talking with a mouth full of ham sandwich all the time. (Paralyzed face)

You know, I didn't enjoy Rocky that much, but I feel that it would be easy for people to explain what they disliked about it properly with an understanding of the film...