Tuesday, 9 November 2010

Weeding out the idiotic sweatshirts of the world

Ok, I'm not sure where this particularly stylish item of clothing is from originally, but I stole it from Todd X over at Iced Tea and Sarcasm. I felt that this sweatshirt epitomises fashion to such an extent that it needs as much exposure as possible. So here it is, your number one Christmas Present of the year:
Yes. It's your friendly neighbourhood Spiderman. Molesting a tiny dolphin. As you can probably imagine, there's a detailed back-story to justify this image. I imagine it goes a little like this:
 Spiderman is planning his annual trip to swim with dolphins, an event he greatly enjoys. Like a normal spider. On the way, he spots a bank robbery and is forced to fight one of his possibly deadly and probably ridiculous enemies. He is hit by a violent blade-based attack which eviscerates his body. Surviving this otherwise fatal separation through sheer strength of will and determination to see the smiles on his dolphins' faces, he is patched up and makes it to the... wherever dolphins are kept. Lowering his damaged, legless body into the water, Spiderman swims with his tremendous upper-body spider-strength out to his dolphin pack.
 But tragedy strikes! The dolphins, not recognising the crippled superhero, react badly and refuse to swim with him! The rejection acts to compound Spiderman's new feelings of sexual inadequacy (because he lost his penis with his legs) and old feelings of sexual inadequacy (Because he's a whiny bitch). So, the rejected Spiderman acts out of desperation and temporary madness, grabbing one of the smallest, weakest dolphins, he sexually assaults it. With his left hand. As we can see.

 So there. To be honest, I hope Ben weeds out the idiocy of that story. Because that's probably not what's happening on the sweatshirt. But it's still fucking stupid.

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