Thursday, 30 December 2010

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, part 2

Cover of the original UK paperback edition of ...
I can think of some people I'd like to go hitch-hiking around the galaxy... Image via Wikipedia
Well, you may have thought that Ben comprehensively covered all the negative, stupid reviews of H2G2 that were available to the normal person. But, the truth is, Ben is a failure, and missed some.
  No, not really. The fact is, there is only so much idiocy that any one of us can cope with per post, which is why I'll now be reviewing some other foolish reviews.
  Before I start, I should say I understand that, for some people, HHGTTG may be too absurd, and while I would disagree with such a view, I can see why they hold such a view as the view we just viewed. So, to make things more confusing, I give you reviews featuring STUPIDITY! Reviews full of RANK HYPOCRISY! and IDIOCY! Reviews that, in the wrong hands, COULD COST YOU YOUR LIFE!
Adams is surely one of the most overrated writers of modern SF (Well, the genre isn't that old, and the book was written 30 years ago. So not really modern. But that's beside the point), along with Terry Pratchett, Anne McCaffrey, et al (It's amazing that you alone hold the talent to show up these people as the worthless hacks they are, isn't it? And how strange, considering the literary prowess you must hold, that we find you writing bad reviews on Amazon, rather than writing for world peace - A lofty goal, certainly, and one many would feel could not be achieved through the written work of one man, but a goal I feel you could achieve nonetheless). This supposedly humorous book (Well, it is humourous. Humour is subjective, of course, but the majority of people find this series to be funny. So, speaking purely on democratic principles, this book is humourous. Do you care to object to this democracy, Herr Hitler? Yes, that's not an over-reaction, you're a Nazi. This is the way to write a calm, structured critique, children.)  is too precious (Like a baby's smile? How can you hate this book so much then, if it is a baby's smile?), too diffuse and just plain too dull (Strange, seems that diffuse and dull contradict each other). He constantly zigs when he should zag: when he should be hard-edged, he gets soggy and sometimes vapid; when he tries to be edgy, it falls flat (Strange, how with all this zigging, zagging, hard-edged wateriness, that the book is also dull. Are you sure you're not just using buzz-words? Incidentally, Douglas Adams isn't doing any of these things, because he's dead. Do you think he's a zombie? Because that's stupid, you fool). I read this on the urgent recommendation of a friend, and (as if you couldn't tell (I couldn't.)) I was tremendiously disappointed with it. Actually, I though you treasured it more than your own mother. But there we go.
I suppose this book is written for a different type of reader than I am (One who can form a proper sentence?). I enjoy scifi, but this bordered on ridiculousness (Yes. Yes it did. This is, I assume, meant to be a criticism. You see, the book doesn't strive to not be absurd in parts. As such, this criticism falls flat. I mean, it would be valid if this was a biography of Winston Churchill. Is that what you wanted?), and i was quite disappointed with the lack of substantial stuff going on (There was a whale. Was it not substantial enough for you? Because whales are pretty substantial)(I ended the last page feeling I wasted my time (Really? What would you have done with it, that was so important? I'm hoping it was to learn how to write decent reviews)). Even though I hated reading it, I will admit to bursting out loud in laughter a few times. It is truely funny in parts (Wait, what? I got where you were coming from before, where I thought you didn't find it funny. But what you're saying is you read a book that is quite blatantly comedy, laughed several times, and found it genuinely funny. So how did you waste your time?). This is a great book for monty python fans (which i am not). For anyone else looking for a serious read (But that's the point - no-where is this portrayed as a serious read. Why are you angry, were you tricked into reading it? Did you think it would unlock the secrets of life?), buckle down and get some Heinlen or Gibson.

what the heck was this junk?(A book.) how didit get published (Well, to be honest, I don't know. But that's because I don't know about how the book publishing world works. Technically, I'm a published poet, but that's besides the point. I was 7. Anyway, I don't think you're the person to question the literary abilities of others). I had to read it for school and the only time i read it was when i had to go to sleep because this book helped get me to sleep very easily (I assume it was for an English class. Maybe you're more of a numbers person.). Easier than a sedative (So you claim). DON"T READ THIS BOOK FROM MY PERSONAL AND UNFORTUNATE EXPERIENCE (I don't even know how to read a book from your personal experience. Do you think I can read your mind?
Seriously, is this what my life has come to? Bullying a child on the Internet... And now, for something completely different
This book is marginally funny, at best (Well, no. But, perhaps it isn't your kind of thing...). At its worst, it's just plain boring (Well, yes. Many things are boring at their worst. And many things, at their worst, are far worse than being boring. You should just be glad your book didn't commit genocide). I bought this book because I heard it was on the same level as Monty Python (Well, no. Because you can see them. It's different), nothing could be further from the truth (Really? What if I said the book was on the same level as the number 4? Is that more true? Is this book more 4 than Monty Python? I don't even know what that means...), Monty Python has jokes, funny ones (Yes. Yes it does), this book relies on lame puns (Erm... No. Have you, perhaps, bought a book of puns in error?). Most of the time the book is just plain weird, some of it doesn't make a lick of sense (Seriously? You've proffessed a great admiration for Monty Python, but you feel this book is weird and doesn't make sense? Have you actually seen anything by Monty Python? Please explain to me the social realism of the television series, and how it was above all else, sensible), a hippie with three arms is president, people can understand any language in the universe by holding a fish to their ear, the meaning of life is 42, what the hell is that all about (You see, the ironic thing is, that all sounds like the kind of thing you might find in a Monty Python sketch. I just don't understand your point)? Is this supposed to be funny (No. It's meant to be sexually arousing.)? Seems there are only two schools of thought on this book, people who think it should outsell the Bible (I've always found something distasteful about companies that mass produce Bibles to sell for a markup, but that's beside the point) and people who use it for kindling (Kindling's comprised of wood. That's intrinsic to kindling. You're just thinking of using it to make a fire.). I use my copy to help cure my insomnia. (Did you hit yourself with it many times, until your ears bled?)But seriously, what are youon about? It's one thing to not enjoy surreal or absurd humour, that's something I can understand. But to claim to be a fan of Monty Python, then complain about weird humour that doesn't make sense is utterly ridiculous. Besides, Adams wrote for Monty Python, even appearing in Monty Python's Flying Circus. How you've managed to take these two similar styles, and imagine them seeming so different is beyond me. Are you mad? Do you spend your days gluing pianos to other pianos then complaining they're not the same?
Lastly, the most stupid review of more than one sentence that I've seen in, oh... Several days
This book definetly made me snore (Definitely? Well, thank God you're so certain!). I spent about 5 minutes reading it and I knew it was going to be the worst (or one of the worst) books I have ever read (You can also see the future? It must be great, to pick up a much-admired book, and within 5 minutes, assess its worth). The galaxy part made absolutely no sense and the way the author had objects on earth be something REALLY important in other planets was just plain dumb (You know what the point of a review is? I'll give you a clue - it isn't to write fucking stupid sentences that don't help anyone decide to purchase a product). So in conclusion...this book sucked...don't buy it. (That's a conclusion? You think three sentences of bollocks needs a conclusion? I'm going to eat your keys)
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