Saturday, 1 January 2011

Anthology of Idiocy IV

Yes, it's that time once more! It's been a while since AoI III so I forgive you if you've committed suicide believing the wait would never end. Of course you would probably find it difficult to read this if you have killed yourself. Unless you're a zombie now, in which case I must find Paul and apologise for disbelieving him when he said we'd cause the zombie apocalypse...

Anyway, back to business. First we have this craptacular review for Martin Scorcese's Shutter Island from
NOT WHAT WAS EXPECTED FROM WATCHING THE TRAILERS (What, were you expecting the trailer to chart the whole course of the film in 3 minutes and give away the twist?) VERY DISSAPOINTING MOVIE (It would be 'very disappointing' if you were expecting Goodfellas or Raging Bull. If you expected a rather good, watchable film, then your needs would be satiated), MIGHT AS WELL CALL IT "ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOOS NEST" (Well not really. They are both set in psychiatric hospitals but that's where the similarities end. R.P. McMurphy didn't do any of the things that are depicted in this film. He didn't even wear a fucking ugly tie.) BUT NO WAY IN THE SAME LEAGUE (Most films aren't though, are they. If you only like films at least as good as One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest, then you aren't going to enjoy many films).FOR ME A NO NO. (Well at least you seem to realise that this is only your opinion I suppose...) 
Stepping up to the plate now we have this review for the Korean comedy-action movie The Good The Bad The Weird:
There is nothing good (The direction was pretty damn good for a start) or weird in this movie, it is just plain BAD. I recommend not to purchase this movie (Really? I thought that with this 1-star review you would be suggesting that it's the greatest film of all time. Dumbass). There are no funny bits (Oho, there bloody well are. What's not funny about The Weird? He engages in a shoot-out whilst wearing a deep-sea diver's helmet for God's sake!). nor memorable action bits (The aforementioned shootout was pretty special, as was the chase towards the end. And the bit on the train at the start was quite good too. I could do this all day...). The action sequences feels like a drag and they are crap (In what way 'crap'? In that they were shot beautifully, in such a way that you can actually see what's happening?). The actors looks ridiculous in cow-boy costumes (Well one of them was supposed to look ridiculous. He's not called The Weird for nothing you know...). There is no plot in the story (Pretty sure there was you know. What was all that stuff about a map and treasure if it wasn't a plot?). There are many instances where the movie resembles "The good bad and ugly" (Well it was a sort of homage), only difference is this korean movie is bad whereas the original one is very good. (Well there are many differences actually. Most of the setpieces, characters and story for example. And I'm afraid the critics side with me in the 'this film is good' camp.)
Next up we have an review from Frank Miller's first Sin City story A Hard Goodbye. If you don't know, the Sin City tales are a modern interpretation of pulp noir novels. They are generally regarded as well written and drawn pieces of fun. This guy disagrees. And how!:
I usually hate the idea of censorship (I bet you don't...), but this is one work that should definitely be banned (Well I'm glad that we voted you in as our Ultimate Judge of Moral Responsibility this is going to make all of these decisions so much easier...). It contributes nothing (Surely 'entertainment' itself is a valid reason for its existence? Not everything has to change the world) and is filled with mindless violence (No more than many other classic works. The only difference is that this is a comic, thus it is obviously aimed at children. That was sarcasm by the way...). If you enjoyed this book, then there is something wrong with you. (Oh, I see that in addition to your duties as UJMR you are a psychiatrist too. Well I enjoyed it, so I'd better go and check myself into the nearest maximum security hospital for the criminally insane...)
Well I'll be back as soon as I break out of this padded cell...

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