Sunday, 23 January 2011

Movieguide and The Golden Globes

Image from tvcrunch
The christian film review site is a favourite with us weeders. It reviews films based on their morals more than their quality. The films seem to be viewed based on what damage they would do to children, no matter who the target audience of the movie is. Things such as sex, liberal viewpoints, 'pagan worldviews' (anything that ain't christian, basically) and homosexuality are common reasons for their condemnation. Oddly, violence doesn't seem to feature quite as much... But, anyway, today we shall be concerning ourselves with their coverage of the recent Golden Globes award ceremony. This is, I'm afraid, going to be quite a long piece:

There was very little that was “golden” at the Golden Globes Awards last night. (Oh how very droll...)
Tasteless sex jokes and insults flowed freely (The horror! The horror!). And, some of the big winners were movies with graphic sexual content. (Maybe they were just the best movies?)
Some winners, including SOCIAL NETWORK Producer
Scott Rudin (That's their formatting cock-up, not mine. Just to clarify.), mentioned their families or their parents, but there were practically no family values in sight. (Tragedy)
The host, “comedian” Ricky Gervais (I don't like Gervais much myself, but he is, undoubtedly, a comedian. That is his profession) was constantly either hurling insults at the attendees and presenters, or making crude sex jokes (I bet they were pretty funny though...). Some of the presenters picked up on this tone, including Robert Downey, Jr., who’s entire presentation onstage centered on the actresses he had not slept with who were up for Best Actress last night (I can guarantee that was funny...), and Robert DeNiro, whose schtick involved insulting the 90 or so people at the Hollywood Foreign Press Association who decide the nominees and winners (You leave DeNiro alone! Or he'll shave his head and kill you. Or was that just a film? I forget...).

Three of the big winners, THE KIDS ARE ALL RIGHT, BURLESQUE and BLACK SWAN, contained pornographic sex scenes in them (No. Not one of them featured explicit, unsimulated pornographic acts. Burlesque was also a 12A in Britain, making it extremely unlikely to have contained any kind of sexually explicit content), resulting in very poor performances at the box office. (Excuse me? Black Swan has made $77 million, from a $13 million budget. That's not poor in any way. The Kids Are Alright is a small indie film, so was never going to make much, and Burlesque is shit. So no, supposed 'pornographic sex scenes' have nothing to do with anything.)
Two of the bright spots last night were TOY STORY 3 winning Best Animated Movie and Colin Firth of THE KING’S SPEECH winning Best Actor (They did go to the right people yes, but so did many others). This is fine and dandy, but why didn’t TOY STORY 3, the best reviewed and most popular movie of the year, also get nominated for Best Comedy or Musical Movie? (Actually, metacritic [which records the average score of a film] states that The Social Network is the best reviewed film of the year, with a score of 95/100. Carlos is second with 94/100. Toy Story 3 is third with 92/100. Victory sip!)
At the very end of the show, the host smarmily thanked God for “making me an atheist.” The last time we checked, 82% of Americans say they believe in God and the world has 2.3 billion Christians and 1.5 billion Muslims who believe in one God. (That doesn't make you right. It's still a delusion. Just one shared by a lot of people)
The fact is, as statistics with our Annual Report to the Entertainment Industry confirm, uplifting movies and home videos marketed to families, including those with spiritual values that acknowledge God, make the most money (Because more people can see them. Obviously a film rated U or G is going to be able to make more than one rated 18 or R purely because far more people can view it.). And, movies with graphic sexual content like BLACK SWAN, THE KIDS ARE ALL RIGHT and BURLESQUE bomb at the box office. (Black Swan didn't bomb! How many times? And how do you explain the likes of Titanic then?)
Maybe the career of Ricky Gervais would do much better if he cleaned up his act! (He's doing pretty well, to be honest. I imagine the American Office keeps him pretty rich for a start...)
I will be presenting highlights from MOVIEGUIDE®’s 2011Report to the Entertainment Industry on Friday, Feb. 18, at the 19th Annual MOVIEGUIDE® Faith & Values Awards Gala. We expect some of our numbers on what kind of movies moviegoers prefer to be better than ever. (I'll be honest and say I haven't a fucking clue what that is supposed to say.)
Moviegoers want to see good triumph over evil, justice to prevail over injustice and purity to reign over impurity. Don’t you? (Oh... You're intimating that because I like films that sometimes have unhappy endings and deal with real issues, I must be evil. Well, glad I got that cleared up, thanks.)
To steal a line from The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy, the people at Movieguide are a bunch of mindless jerks who'll be the first against the wall when the revolution comes. And the revolution can't come fucking soon enough.


  1. I like that they forgot Jews from their list of Abrahamic religions... And they don't believe in the same God, no-one does. That's why no two people share exactly the same religious beliefs, and even the widespread Christian faith has so many factions.
    I'm sorry, there was nothing funny about that reply...

    And seriously:
    A) Ricky Gervais has been working as a comedian for about 20 years. He's in films yearly, as well as TV series', often co-written by him. He's pretty successful.
    B) His act for the evening was obviously prepared beforehand and run past people. The blame hardly lies with him alone. Surely a Christian, while perhaps disapproving of the content, would be glad that even celebrities are not seen as untouchable, but rather equal?
    C) I think porn movies actually do quiet well for money. I could be wrong, but I think people have been known to make money from sexy sex. Ideally, following your logic that Christian movies make money, and the best thing for films to do is aim to make money, the does Movieguide support the production of more Nun Porn?

  2. I think it's probably still frowned upon to be honest. Especially as nuns are meant to be celibate. But then again, so are priests...

    But Jews killed Jesus! So obviously they must worship some other God. Possibly Satan...


Related Posts with Thumbnails