Sunday, 13 March 2011

The Christian Party

Now, I have no idea how I managed to get onto the Christian Party website, but this is where I found myself this very morning. Here is a rundown of some of their stupider policies. I apologise for the staggering length, but I tried to avoid leaving anything horrible out...:

The Christian Party Members of Parliament will:
  • Introduce a single rate Income Tax of 20 per cent for earnings in excess of £12,000 per annum. (It's nice to see you would protect the most vulnerable in our society. So the poor get to pay the same as before, but the rich? They get to pay far, far less. Wahey!)
  • Introduce a single rate Corporation Tax of 20 per cent based on revenue minus the purchases of raw materials and inputs from other firms, wages, pension payments to workers and the purchase of plant and equipment.  All other corporate tax relief will be scrapped. (So, you want to cut them back further? Is 24% just too damn high? I suppose you're right, why the hell should we take billions of pounds from businesses that screw us over? Why should they be punished for the economic meltdown that they caused by being greedy and stupid? It's far better that ordinary people should be punished...                                                                              
  • Abolish Inheritance Tax. (Ah. Inheritance tax is good. It prevents the rich from propagating the class system by leaving all of their stuff to their children who have done nothing to deserve it. Far better that the government can spend some of the money on schools and hospitals than some little brat can buy an extra yacht, surely?)
  • Increase VAT to 20 per cent whilst maintaining the current exemptions. (Sadly, the ConDem government has done just that. Doesn't make it any less regressive or unfair on the poor mind you.)
  • Reduce the size of the Inland Revenue Service. (Pah! Who needs taxes eh? Oh, hang on...)
Law & Order
The Christian Party Members of Parliament will:

  • Stamp out the sex slave trade.  Bring heavy penalties to bear on sex slave-traders and slave-drivers. (I'm pretty sure that the sex slave trade is more than just frowned upon as it is. The police do what they can, but it's not exactly easy.)
  • Raise the motorway speed limit to 90mph. (Now I'm all for raising the speed limits, after all they haven't been changed since they were implemented in 1965. But isn't 80 a better figure? There are quite a few cars on the road that can't do 90 for a start. And 90 is just excessive.)
  • Enact a speeding fines amnesty in cases where fines were more a matter of revenue collection than road safety. (Are you going after the Jeremy Clarkson vote or something?) 
  • Limit fines for overstaying in car parks to a maximum of the cost of the day rate for parking in the facility. (What if you stay longer than a day?)
  • Establish the concept of restorative justice with the imposition of substantial financial penalties on criminals in order to compensate victims and pay for damage done to property. (What crimes are we talking about here? Because those who steal often do so because they have no money...)
  • Put in place a zero tolerance approach towards illegal drug possession for personal use through the use of a full range of alternative punishments, rather than prison sentences. (Prohibition doesn't work. For proof, see Mexico. And what 'alternative punishments'?)
The Christian Party Members of Parliament will:

  • Re-instate the teaching of ‘Classical’ subjects in every school. (What do you mean by 'classical'? Do you mean stuff like Latin? Because Latin is almost entirely useless.)
  • Allow schools to elect to use supervised corporal punishment as a “punishment of last resort” instead of ‘Exclusions’. (Seriously? You want to reintroduce corporal punishment? There's no better way to say 'violence is bad' to a young child than beating them...)
  •  Re-instate mandatory Christian religious education in schools. (Fuck off. I'm not religious. Almost none of my friends are. Many people in this country are either irreligious or believe in a different God. The days of Christian Britain are over. And the nation is much the better for it. Now deal with it.) 
  • Seek sanctions for schools that refused to comply with their obligation to assemble pupils for an act of daily worship.  Such acts of worship should be Christian. (I would personally go to each and every one of those schools and shake the hand of the headmaster. You should not brainwash children to believe your lies. Every child has the right to make up their own mind.)
  • Ensure that the United Kingdom’s Christian heritage is properly reflected in the National Curriculum. (We all know Britain used to be Christian. We have the blood on our hands to prove it. The Crusades were so noble...)
  • Ensure that proper balanced teaching and debate occurs in schools around the concepts of ‘Evolution’ and ‘Creation/Design in the universe’. (Well that would be a fucking quick debate wouldn't it. Creation/Design has no place in the science room. Evolution is a theory based around quantifiable and observable evidence in nature. C/D is based solely on faith in a book written by men a few thousand years ago. A book that says the Earth is younger than two separate instances of the agricultural revolution.)
  • Ensure that schools are not forced to change their values by employing those who disagree with those values. (So they can't hire atheists, muslims or anyone who isn't christian? Going to find it difficult to get the science teachers then...) 
  • Call a halt to plans to give sex education lessons in Primary Schools. (I had sex ed in P7 [last year of primary for those not in Scotland] and I've not become some kind of sexual predator...)
  • Ensure that chastity before marriage and faithfulness within marriage - as the best and safest sexual practice - will be taught as an integral part of any sex education curriculum. (Abstinence is only a small part of that. And wake up. This is the 21st C, people have always had, and always will have, sex before marriage. If God wanted us to not do it, then why did he make it so fun?)
  • Call for the end of the promotion and teaching in schools of homosexuality as a family relationship. (Seriously now, you can go and take a running jump off a cliff now. People are gay. It is the way they are born. Those who are should be told that it is perfectly natural for them to act upon it.)
  • Abolish SATs testing. (Agreed)
The Christian Party Members of Parliament will:

  • Sell off state owned hospitals and healthcare facilities to private sector healthcare providers. (The NHS works. It is well regarded throughout the world. We are 20th in the table for life expectancy. Partly because everyone can get to see a doctor.)
  • Contract in services from private sector healthcare providers in order to maintain and improve the National Health Service provision. (It'd get worse. And more expensive.) 
  • Make private health insurance a visa requirement for migrants. (No. We're moving into uncomfortable territory here. If they pay taxes, then they are entitled as humans, to use the NHS' services.)
  • Review Health and Safety legislation and reduce them to more appropriate levels. (They're fine! Stop reading the fucking Daily Mail. No schools have to wear goggles to play conkers.)
  • Give parents knowledge and decision making rights regarding the medical treatment of their children. (No. Doctors are trained professionals who know what they are doing. Parents are terrified and ignorant, too scared of making the wrong decision to make any decision. Leave it to people who can look at the case objectively)
The Christian Party Members of Parliament will:

  • Place European Union migrants on no more than the same footing as those from the Commonwealth nations. (Sorry, but that's against EU law. We'd get fined millions, if not billions, of pounds. And it's stupid)  
  • Support deportation for economic migrants convicted of imprisonable offences. (What about that whole 'forgiveness' thing that God and Jesus talk about so much?)
  • Maintain tight border controls. (We do. We let in people we need. Well, we did when we were governed by people who ignored the Mail anyway...) 
  • Support measures for the intensive processing for removal of all illegal immigrants that do not qualify for amnesty. (They're illegal immigrants. We already try to remove them you morons. It's finding them that's the problem.)
The Christian Party Members of Parliament will: 

  • Call for the restoration of Sunday as a day of rest, to allow reflection by individuals and communities on the role they have to play.  A re-ordering of values is needed. (What has that got to do with the environment? And no. We're not all Christian in this country.)
Government & Democracy
The Christian Party Members of Parliament will:

  • Support radical cuts in the public-sector workforce in order to reduce both the size of government and the size of the government spending. (But the public sector does a good job. Sorry, did a good job. At least till the Tories burned them all. They are far better value than the private sector is. And they are more likely to support ideas that help the environment etc as they do not look for profits.) 
  • Support a radical re-employment and training programme so that public-sector workers are not thrown on the ‘scrap heap’, but are empowered for a smooth transition into the private sector. (Where are these jobs going to come from? Trees?) 
  • Call for withdrawal from the European Union in the event that the United Kingdom electorate votes against the Lisbon Treaty in a referendum. (But the EU nets us quite a lot of money in trade. Why would we leave? If we're on the inside at least we can try to change its flaws, i.e. its hugely undemocratic nature)
  • Call for voting in civic elections to be compulsory, and non-voting to be subject to a fine. (No dice. It's just not right to force people to vote. It is the duty of the parties to ensure that people trust them enough to vote.)
Respect for the Human Person
The Christian Party Members of Parliament will:

  • Reject all attempts to re-define marriage. (I'm guessing this refers to gay marriage. In which case, I hate you.)
  • End the practise of human cloning and the destruction of human embryos. (But if organs can be cloned, then we could potentially cure such things as cancer.)
  • Oppose moves to impose abortion on Northern Ireland. (Your wording suggests that all women will be forced to have abortions. And your idea is stupid. Fetuses are not babies. They are a collection of cells that could not survive outside of the womb. They are not yet people. They barely even look like people. More like an HR Gieger kind of thing. And they are unaware of anything. They don't even have brain connections.)
  • Withdraw government aid from any agency which promotes abortion or euthanasia. (Oh piss off.)
  • Challenge the culture of death by seeking legislation which confers the full protection of the law on all human life from the conception until natural death. (A 'culture of death'? Yeah, because the Biblical world is a far happier, less death-filled place...)
The Christian Party Members of Parliament will:

  • Maintain a wll resourced military with a nuclear deterrent. (But we don't need a nuclear deterrent. We'll never use it. No-one would bother attacking us for a start. What would be the point? We're not exactly the superpower we used to be. Might as well save the £8bn)
  • Withdraw British troops from Afghanistan. (We're there now. We have to stick it out now. We can't just leave the Afghans in the lurch to be controlled by the Taliban again.)
Well, that's that. There are a few policies that are good, but I didn't want this post to challenge War & Peace in length...

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