They suggest, I hope, that something is missing from my sentence. If I said, for Halloween, my lady-friend was to be dressing as a sexy house, you'd probably think you'd misheard, or I'd missed something out of my description (Thinking I meant a sexy houseplant, perhaps. Actually, that's still strange.)
But no! The sexy house costume is a real thing for Halloween. No longer is sticking your penis inside a letterbox, only to be rejected by angry occupants a nightmare you have to bear.
|Yea, is this doing it for you too? Mhh...|
Image via CostumeSuperCentre.
GO AS A COUPLE (Really? Is that how couples costumes work? I planned on wearing both myself. While crying. Into a box of tissues. On my own.) . EACH COSTUME SOLD SOLD (Sold sold) SEPARATELY**This walking peep show (Good show, my girlfriend wants to adopt David Mitchell. Probably to dress him like this) costume has a hidden kitty behind the front door. (Ah, because pussy is a slang term for a woman's vagina. I see what you've done there, it's very clever) Costume features a dress with windows and a door in just the right places (Those would be the boobies and aforementioned vagina. You know, if you want to really objectify a woman.). **PRICES FOR FEMALE COSTUMES ONLY. MALE COSTUMES CAN BE ORDERED SEPARATELY BY ADDING AN ORDER QUANTITY BELOW. (For 40 quid. For that piece of shit. Seriously)**
I mean, really. What people get up to in the privacy of their own homes is, of course, their own business. But if you fantasise that your companion was a big house and you were mortaring her up and wearing a crappy little blue hat, then you may have problems. And ladies: Are there any of you out there who worry your men aren't finding you house-like enough? Can't be bothered putting on the weight? Then maybe this is the costume for you...
It's £40. 40! And that's on offer! And it's sold out! Who bought this? Why? Who wants to fuck a detached family home? Or be a human sized house riding atop a miraculously unharmed builder?
Well, me. But that's beside the point.