Wednesday, 27 October 2010


Yeah, he's not at all scary. I definitely invite him round
for afternoon tea...        Image via hauntedshop
Continuing Paul's halloween theme from yesterday, today I will cast my rage-filled eye over Halloween. The 1978 original is considered one of the best horror movies of all time, and the progenitor of the 'slasher movie'. These reviewers, however, seem impervious to its, err, 'charms':
i read the previous reviews of halloween and they all gave it high marks (As well they should. It is a horror film that was exceedingly well put together). i dont even see why (Ah.). its terrible (Only a sith deals in absolutes...). a kid kills his sister and stops talking so is put in a mental hospital. when he escapes he goes and kills teens. sure it invented the 'slasher' generation (I think you mean genre. I don't think the film had sex with every woman on the planet to create a whole generation of half-man half-film mutants) but that doesnt make it a good film (No. It's pacing, camera angles and revolutionary ideas do.). also the killer michael myers is the WORST killer EVER in a film (In what way? He is an unstoppable killing machine, who doesn't speak or have real motive for his crimes. He's up there with the best). who the hell created him???? (John Carpenter and Debra Hill.) the only good thing about halloween is the acting of jamie lee curtis, though that isnt enough to save the film (I'm sure she will be delighted with this praise). 
personally i think that if you want a smartly made horror film go for the friday the 13th films (You deride this, then recommend Friday the 13th? Worse, you seem to rate that films shite sequels above this. God you're an idiot.). they are classic and totally worth checking into, with jason a great killer who you will end up supporting as he is so great. (I think you've missed the point.)
Here's another review jumping out from the closet, knife in hand:
 I'm surprised that this film is so highly rated and applauded (I'm surprised you're surprised). The film is not genuinely scary (It kind of is) and leaves much to be desired. The film feels like a high scholl project (School. Apparently you need to go back there...). The camera angles are awkward and annoying (Strange then that prominent critics singled out the camera angles for particular praise, hmm?), lacking any feeling of claustrophobia. As for the score, it is very repetitive and in my opinion reminiscent of Englebert Humperdinck's 'I'm a better man' track (Again, the simple music was and is praised. It doesn't get in the way of the film, or drag you out of the world Carpenter has created). The film feels cheap (Well it was made cheaply) and I felt cheated watching it (Why? Did you believe it was going to leap out the machine and tap-dance every couple of minutes?), after 30 minutes i was bored (Only people with small minds get bored), but I kept watching because i've heard so many amazing reviews of the film, personally the end titles provided more enjoyment than the entire movie (Are you sure you watched it right?). It is a shame to see Donald Pleasance (Pleasence actually) being under used in this appalling (In your opinion) film. Finally I do wonder why the film still has an 18 certificate, the scenes of violence aren't explicit it enough to warrent this certificate. (It could be the general tone of the film, or it could be that the BBFC has better things to do than re-classify every film every few years)
Some of the people who knock at my door on Halloween are more frightning! (Jehovah's witnesses are quite scary) 
Now we travel to America to escape the monster, but lo! It has followed us:
I thought movies were supposed to have little things called "plots." Well, Halloween has absolutely *no* plot whatsoever (Yes it does. See here for full details on this). The film is downright boring (Hardly. There's a madman with a big knife running around murdering people). The first hour of the film is sooooo boring and slow. The last hour isn't exciting, but it is more suspenseful than the first 60 minutes of the film (I think you'll find that the first half was building suspense. You see, suspense is really a lack of action but we know it's going to come). I was surprised at how much nudity there was in this film as well (It's a slasher. What were you expecting to see? Mickey Mouse doing a jig?). I can't imagine a mother (or father) letting their child watch this film (Well no. It's an 18 [or R in your stupid system] rated film about a psychopathic murderer. Which part of that screams 'family film'? Please don't mark a film down for not being child-friendly when it clearly isn't trying to be). It's gruesome and demented (Again. Slasher film. Not Mickey Mouse). I did not like one single solitary thing about Halloween. I do not recommend it at all. (So based on your hang-ups, you slate the film? Nice objective view there.)
Just when you think the monster is dead, it rises up once more:

why do people like this trash it isn't scary nor interesting (Scariness is personal opinion, but the film is certainly interesting, especially its impact on the horror films that followed) and the movie is slow paced that it looks like director John Carpenter shot this while walking slowly (Not walking slowly!) and the movie is low budget there is hardly any blood or good special effects (It doesn't need them. What special effects would have improved the film?) instead fans like it for its so-called suspense (It's not 'so-called suspense' it is suspense) and laughable scares (It's easy to make someone jump, saying boo will make them jump. It's even easy to make someone scared by using extreme gore. It's far harder to scare people with suspense, but this is real fear, not surprise or disgust. Carpenter achieves this). The main plot is a boy who murdered his sister and returns years later to kill babysitters in his hometown. Halloween is no treat but a trick (I see what you did there. Very witty.). Fans of horror films should rent something better (Fans of horror films probably already own this. Or should do, if only for its legacy). The only good part is when Jamie Lee Curtis is laying on the ground and in the background Michael Myers sits up slowly looking at her. (That is a terrific piece of camera work)
I think we have stopped the monster. For now...
Come back next time when we continue this Halloween season with another horror classic (you know, if I can be bothered...)

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