Tuesday, 19 October 2010

Paul's Rules number 3: Free Lovin'

This is a rule DVD box maker people: Don't tell me what I love!
 You know when you get a DVD, and it tells you what else to watch? Yea. That should be illegal. Bloody dictator DVDs, with their dictating. They're as bad as actual dictators. Well, maybe not. But I digress. Let me give you a case study:

 To my left is the DVD box for Spartacus, A must-have movie - Directed by Stanley Kubrick. The story of the historical Roman legend. Yes, I copied it off the box. Well, you know the film I mean. Right, standard blurb, picture, notes about the DVD features then Wham! 2/3s of the way down is this message:
IF YOU LIKE "SPARTACUS" YOU'LL LOVE...[There's a big picture of the 1932 Scarface box here. Imagine it]
Oh, what? I'll love it? Love it? So what you're saying is that:
  1. The product I've bought is not my soul-mate.
  2. You know exactly what I like, dislike and love based purely on me looking at the back of a box
  3. I'm Spartacus.
But seriously? You can assure me, a complete stranger, that I will love this film, when you don't even know if I love the film I've presumably bought? I mean, I might just be reading this box because I'm bored, or because it's fallen on my face, or because 2 nuns are forcing me at gunpoint. Who knows? But you can make such statements with absolute certainty?

 Well, I can tell you this: I love my gran-mama, I love my girlfriend, and I love sexually assaulting ducks. I do not love 1932 Scarface. Don't get me wrong: I don't loath the film, I quite enjoyed it. Particularly the man who was crap at answering phones. I admire it, I'm impressed by the contribution it made to film history. But I don't love it. No sir, I do not.
 So, by all means, recommend films I may like based on what I appear to have purchased. But don't organise a wedding for the pair of us. And please, don't make me stick my penis in another DVD player.
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