Sunday, 31 October 2010

The Texas Chain Saw Massacre

The problem with Leatherface is that he doesn't kill
enough. He could start with the reviewers here...
 Image via hauntedshop
In 1974 Tobe Hooper made the controversial horror film The Texas Chain Saw Massacre. Today this film is still considered to be one of the most scary movies ever made. These reviewers, then, must have upper lips made of stone:
we all know that the way the movie was made was very poor (What do you mean? It was made cheaply if that's what you mean) but the film in itself is absoultely rubbish (Is it? Thank goodness you're here to pass judgement on all films for everyone).i think that anybody giving this a high mark is going purely on its so called status (First of all, maybe people [like me] just like it. And second of all it isn't a 'so-called status' it is its status. Rightly or wrongly [and its rightly by the way] that is the status it has).through the film the scariest moment is when the lady is put on the hook (No. That is the goriest moment. I'm guessing you are a fan of torture-porn then? The whole film makes the viewer uneasy. That, my simple friend, is true horror) but nothing much ever comes from the chainsaw.he whirls it about a bit running through the woods and never does much killing (For shame!).another stupid bit is that leatherface[the man with the chainsaw] is under the rule of his scrawny little dad (Well yes. The whole point is that Leatherface is not evil per se, just intellectually disabled and controlled by his evil family).to top it all off the end is worse than pathetic with the lady driving off and the chainsaw man left in the middle of the road again waving it around (Thanks for telling everyone who hasn't seen it how the film ends. Moron.).the end is ebrupt (abrupt),the sound is awful (It was a low budget hooror flick from the early 70s. What were you expecting?),the way it is made is awful (Strange then, that Roger Ebert [who did not like the content] admitted that it was well made. Much more so than it needed to be) and overall the film as a whole does not live up to its expectations (Well, not if you're expecting the gore of Saw crossed with the brilliance of The Godfather any way...).see it just so you know that the hype is all wrong. (See it just so you know that this idiot is all wrong)
Well, without any ado, here's another for your sick pleasure:
I'd wanted to see this film for a number of years (Bully for you), and was really excited when I finally got my chance.........Bloody hell was I disapointed! (Why? Did the film explode in your machine?) Loosely based on the horrific real-life crimes of Ed Gein....'loosely' is definatly the right word to use (I'm sorry, are you criticizing the film for only being loosely inspired by Ed Gein? 'Cause that seems a little bit petty to me. This isn't a biopic). When the title sequence rolled I will admit to thinking this was going to be a really atmospheric and scary film (Which most normal people agree it is), the prodution may of have been bad, but if a story is good enough it will shine through. Besides a grainy film and lack of music can be very creepy (It sure as hell is in this case I can assure all of you at home). Unfortuanatly little happened in the first half of the film (It's called suspense! Why do none of you imbeciles know what suspense actually is? I just answered my own question there didn't I...) and the acting was very dodgy. When the action did start it was stupid more that scary (VIOLENCE ISN"T SCARY! It's just shocking. To be really scary, you need an atmosphere and a sense of unease and dread. This film has those films in spades), and scenes of Leatherface with chainsaw reminded me of Benny Hill for some reason (God, you must be fucked up from watching too much Hostel...). Only one scene involing the motel owning relative of Leatherface and one of the young teenagers, came across as slightly disturbing (The whole film is at least slightly disturbing. Ridley Scott once said that the film became disturbing right from the moment they pick up the hitch-hiker, and that it doesn't let up. Texas..., if you didn't know, was incredibly important to the look and feel of Alien). I recommend people see this film, if only to see for themselves how dull this so called cult horror really is. (Was this written by exactly the same guy as the last one? Because that's quite a similar ending, and both are credited to 'A Customer'. If it is, I will attack you with a chainsaw for fixing the film's Amazon rating in favour of your stupid ideas...)
 Now, here's a review written by a comic genius...:
This has to be the scariest film ever. Within ten minutes of the film starting, my legs were already sticky with poo, and when the first of those poor, unfortunate young people died, I turned off the film and called an escort because I was too scared to spend the night alone.
The individual shots are very scary. They add a lot to the atmosphere, and had me hiding behind the sofa before I had even seen the terrifying Leatherface.I was particularly terrified by the shot of the dead armadillo. I will never watch this film again. It has scarred me for life. Never watch this film unless you want to live out the rest of your days in abject terror. I am now seeking counselling to try and overcome the mental trauma caused by such a harrowing experience.
Shame computers don't do sarcasm... (It's a shame your not as funny or knowledgeable as you think you are...)
Well, that's it for Halloween week here at Weeding Out The Idiots, service will resume as normal tomorrow. Watch out for those monsters at your door tonight - keep those shotguns loaded!

No comments:

Post a Comment

Related Posts with Thumbnails