Wednesday, 8 September 2010

Anthology of Idiocy I

I have decided to collect a number of stupid reviews that are too short to warrant a post of their own. First up is this review for Once Upon A Time in America:
This film is spectacular and deserves 5*, but it is 'far too long' for my tasting, 3 hours and over 40 minutes had passed whilst i gazed mindlessley at the telebox.
Excellent film. Then why did you give the film one star you flower-pot brained imbecile? Surely if the film was excellent in every way but the length, 3 stars would have been suitable? It says on the back of the box how long it is. Surely you could have looked at the runtime before purchasing and decided that nearly 4 hours was too long for you to sit on your arse and skipped the whole thing altogether. I recommend you watch Un Chien Andalou, it's only 15 minutes. I'm sure you could handle that.
I'm sorry. I'm calm again. Now stepping up to the plate we have this enlightening critique of Serenity:
I saw Serenity twice on ITV4, and I still can't decide if I liked it or not. The characters weren't that well defined; the story was lacking; the script was clumsy, and as for Mal's annunciation of words, I could barely understand a word he said half the time (it was definitely a problem with him, since I could understand the other characters just fine). Having said all that I've put it in my basket because I'm willing to give it another chance. I just don't think it's as good as some think it is...maybe that's because I never saw Firefly. Let me get this straight. You watched Serenity on TV, liked it enough to watch it again and now you are planning on buying it. So you give it one star? In what way does that make sense to you?
Is stupidity catching? Last up from this first edition of Anthology of Stupidity we have a review from our cousins across the pond for Red Dead Redemption:
this game is a gross attack on christianity! (No it isn't, you paranoid fool) at the very first cut scene a poor illiterate minister who is bigoted against the "savages." (Have you ever heard of missionaries? That's what most of them were like) then you rescue a clueless christian girl in the desert believing her faith will save her. add to that the gross language (Those cunts), the x-rated "movies" (You don't have to watch them you know) and well, rockstar deserves their Mature rating (Yes they do. As that is what they were aiming for). it also deserves this one star. And you deserve my complete and utter contempt. If you disapprove of so much of the content in Mature rated games, why do you buy them? They are rated Mature not as a punishment, but because they are aiming for a more mature (There's a reason for the rating's title) audience. If you're not grown-up enough to deal with such content then stick to Pokemon. Then again, you might find animals not present in the Bible blasphemous...

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