Sunday, 19 September 2010

Blade Runner

Where are the blades? Image: Videopia

Here is a review of the legendary and highly influential Blade Runner. Be warned, there spoilers are up ahead:
This film I thought was slow and unintresting uninteresting (At least you realise this is just your opinion), the premise of the story is (Oh dear, well it was good while it lasted) non-engaging and unintresting uninteresting (No, in your opinion it is non-engaging and uninteresting, that doesn't make it fact). I found no empathy with felt no empathy for Deckard(Ford)or the other replicant (The point is that you're not sure if Deckard is a replicant. If you cared enough to notice/research that he might be a replicant, surely you must like the film at least a little bit), which I've forgotten her name cos it's not important(Young) (Her name's Rachael. And it is quite important. She's a central character after all. Her fabricated memories are crucial to the Deckard's a replicant argument, but his love for her could mean he his human. Obviously, all of this went sailing over your head though) or any of the replicants (Well the replicants are murderers, so that's not unusual) I fell asleep twice watching it (And yet you wonder why you felt no empathy for the characters? Maybe you missed much of their development. Besides that, though, why the fuck are you reviewing a film you missed much of? Fool). The cinematography and special effects are good but I don't want to watch a film called Blade Runner for the Cinematography (Why not? Where you expecting Harrison Ford to be literally running on blades? Or are you a snob who feels that anything sci-fi is immediately trash?). The story is the important thing (It's a good thing that the story is strong with more layers than an onion, then). I understand it's supposed to be similar to a science fiction, film noir/detective story (It isn't 'similar' to these, it is science fiction, film noir and a detective story), but there is no mystery to solve (Not all noir's and detective stories are whodunnits you know. And besides, there is. The mystery is wether Deckard is, or is not, a replicant) and it doesn't move it is too slow. (This, I feel duty-bound to point out, is your opinion. Not fact)
And here we go again:

As the other reviews are all in awe of this film and would marry it if it were a woman (There's no need to be offensive to your betters), for non-cult following types it is not a must see or buy film (It is a must-see film for anyone who is interested in films in general. Most sci-fi films that have come after owe much to Blade Runner. As do many other films), it is a film for science fiction geeks not for people who want to be entertained for 2 hours (Maybe it's just not for you? You can't presume that someone who is not a 'geek' will not like this film. In fact I know people who ate sci-fi who love this film). The film is too contrived (How? And where did you explain this in the main body of the review. You can't just mention it in passing and expect people to just take your word for it) and the package is too much (Then why, for God's sake, did you buy the 5-disc set with all of the versions in?). For a fan yes buy it (Well that's who the 5-disc box was aimed at, not people who hate the thing) but do not buy this version if you just want to see the film, buy or rent the "director's cut". (Or the superior Final Cut)
I hate people... 

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