Thursday, 16 September 2010

The Wire Season 1 (Again)

Bunk:I'm just a humble motherfucker with a big-ass dick.
McNulty:You give yourself too much credit.
Bunk:Okay then. I ain't that humble.
Image: fansided
Being in a bit of a Wire mood, I decided to see what the reviewers on thought of The Wire. Most loved it, but a few hated it. Here is one of those reviews:
I had 1000's of hours of viewing movies, television series, and television programming behind me before I sat down to watch this series on DVD (Were they Disney films etc.?), season one, the box in my hand (You know you have to take the disc out of the box and put it into the DVD player, right?). I was very dissapointed. This series stinks. I watched only episode 1 (And yet you give the whole season 1 star. That might make sense in some parallel universe, but not here), and have the experience and perception to know that it won't get any better (Oh my God! This man is a bona fide psychic!). 

The story settled in episode 1 on 3 places - a rundown, neglected inner city lower class neighborhood, the offices of the detectives, and it goes back and forth between a courtroom and the street busts of drug dealers from vans and unmarked cars. (So not 3 places then, but 4. And it doesn't stay like that for the whole season anyway. So perhaps not so perceptive after all, eh?)

I didn't like the profanity (Oh dear. Not another one. Jesus fucking Christ will you people get over it). It went on for too long, filled every one's mouths, and didn't have a point to it after the first 40 minutes (How did it not have a point after 40 mins? People talk like that 24/7. Especially in run-down and poverty-stricken city areas). Everyone was swearing (e.g. hell) and cursing (e.g. cockand it bored me. I got bored with it (Yeah. I heard you the first time). It didn't help to develop character or story and offended me after having it fill my ears for 40 minutes. (Would diddums like his mummy to wash out his ears?)

The profanity (e.g. shit) was so thick in the first 35 minutes (What happened to 40 mins?) I got bored (Yes. You've said. Twice actually). I coulden't couldn't understand what anyone was saying to each other because of the broken english, cursing (e.g. Motherfucker) and swearing (e.g. fuck), and lude and immature banter (e.g. Suck my motherfucking dick asshole) everyone engages in (This is the Baltimore accent and lexicon. It would have been weird if everyone in it spoke the Queen's fucking English). In short, I coulden't couldn't follow the story. If gangster talk and street slang wasn't worse weren't bad enough (Well they are gangsters on the street, how do you expect them to speak?), the profanity (e.g. fucker) and constant cursing (e.g. cunt) just filled in the rest of the dialogue, it felt like the scriptwriters got bored with developing character and story. (No. If that were the case, why would there be fuckloads of character development throughout the series. And the story is played out across all of the episodes. Of course you'd know all this if you'd watched MORE THAN ONE FUCKING EPISODE!)

Realistic depictions of the life, the neighborhood and what the characters do could be done in less time (Not with the sprawling storylines and super-deep characterisation they couldn't), with less coarse language (That would be the realism going the way of the Dodo), and with more skill (No.). Slow motion, some music, careful planning of the shots (All these would merely serve to remind the viewer they were watching a programme. And turn near perfection into just another cop show. You moron), some better storytelling (You've only seen the first episode. How can you complain about the story when you've seen less than 8% of the first season? And no the storytelling couldn't really be improved), and the same messages would have come across in half the time. Obviouslly, the people behind the show lack that kind of talent to pull it off. (Fuck off. Just fuck off and jump into the nearest volcano)

If watching cheap white trash and cheap black trash destroy themselves and probably each other interests you, this is for you (That, my friend, is the side of your country you just don't want to think about. As long as you're wealthy, everyone else can just go hang. That's also America's problem. Just look at New Orleans post-Katrina. Utter disgrace). I have a better way to spend my evenings (Is it paying poor people pennies to fight for your amusement?). I experience enough negativity in the world on a daily basis, that I don't have to put it in my dvd player after dinner for it to "entertain" me. (Inform, educate and entertain. In my, and most other people's, opinion this is that most rare of programmes to fulfill this mantra in its entirety.)

When I was a child I did as children did, but when I became a man I put away childish things. (This is one of the least childish shows ever made. You, sir, are a fool of the first water.)

Less then than 1 star is my vote. (That's a coincidence. That's what I would give this review.)
You see what I'll do for you people? I run the risk of an aneurysm caused by my own anger, just for you.

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