Wednesday, 1 September 2010

The Lord of the Rings (3 Book Box Set)

So, I thought I'd keep going with Lord of the Rings. Perhaps you've read it, perhaps not. I'll admit, it was quite long. Parts of it took some soldiering through. But the Lord of the Rings trilogy are rightly remembered as classics. Or are they? Once again, I turn my scornful eye against the unsuspecting Amazon public:
I think my problem with this book(/s) (These books. There's 3 of them. Come on) is that I didn't read it when I was a child (Someone should have been spanked more then...). If I had done, I may have loved it like I did Star Wars (You don't love it anymore? But... What about Yoda?) or appreciated the world it creates like I now accept that the World of Warcraft universe is impressive in its size and scope(It's just 'the Warcraft Universe'. It existed before WoW).

As it is, I can't get over how thoroughly mediocre (Oh, my giddy aunt) the whole thing is. People talk about it as an epic but what is epic about it other than its incredible length? People talk about the life lessons you can learn from it or its universal themes of good and bad. Really? Are we ever given even the tiniest shred of motivation for any of the characters?(Yes) Is it ever explained to us why the 'good' characters are good or why the 'evil' ones are evil? (What? Did you want it to explore the nature-nurture debate?)

I challenge any one of this books millions of fans to find a single person who read this after the age of 25 and liked it.(Really? I bet there'll be at least one person in the world who read LOTR after 25 and liked it) Or to re-read it themselves without the rose-tinted spectacles of their childhood and explain to me why it is in any way more impressive, inventive or rewarding than most of todays fantasy computer games (Because Tolkien basically created the fantasy genre). These too create whole worlds with plenty of maps and creatures and races and fights and quests and so on, usually with more to their story than: "Walk for 1400 pages then throw a ring into some lava" but none of these are every held up as the ultimate examples of literature. (Well, no. Because if you summarize the entire plot of a novel in one sentence, then it never looks very good. Because that's one sentence. Not a synopsis of the entire plot. Because more things happened than just walking and ring-throwing.)

Like "The DaVinci Code", this book is cited as a masterpiece only by people who simply haven't read enough other books to know better. (Erm, no. You see, this argument starts to work because The Da Vinci Code was a light, easy read. Lord of the Rings is big. If you can manage to read all of it, then you probably don't have a problem reading.)
Please Sir, can I have some more?
i read this book because all my freinds where saying how cool it was, but really it was rubbish!!! i mean i like fantasy but this book was so derivitive!!! (Derivative? Of what?) not to mention wordy... i think people just think its 'a classic' because its really old and really long, but actually it stinks!!! (Mmh, scratch-n-sniff) If you want good fantasy try the Warhammer books, those have elves and dwarves and stuff in but at least there not boring!!!! Too easy.
Lastly, the middle paragraph of one review:

The archer Legolas Greenleaf, here portrayed b...Image via Wikipedia
An Elf. How angry must this guy be now?
Truth is I have never managed to get past the first of the three books that make up this shockfest. I have always got to the point where the hobbits enter the elvish forest and thrown (yes physically thrown) the book across the room. When I say always I must confess that I have attempted to read this thing three times and always come to the same conclusion - it is too bad to be worthy of my time. Seriously? You threw the book? You were that angry at it that you read a considerable chunk of the first book, presumably in one go, before the bile rose in your chest. Then, unable to contain yourself, you literally took the book, pulled back your arm, and - with no regards for the passing cat - THREW A BOOK across the room? Because you don't want to know about elvish forests? YOU THREW A BOOK BECAUSE IT MADE YOU ANGRY ABOUT ELVES! AND YOU DID THIS AGAIN, TWICE! Why? Did you think that with time, your irrational anger towards elves would have subsided? What possessed you sir?

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